


Psych Eval

by flynnXrathbone



Series: Kadara Tales [3]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Depression, Even when they don’t want her to, Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lexi looks out for her crew, Post-High Noon, Profanity, Therapy is good, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 16:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12751725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flynnXrathbone/pseuds/flynnXrathbone
Summary: Ryder is not handling Reyes’ manipulation and Sloane’s death well, and Lexi is concerned.





	Psych Eval

“You asked to see me, doc?” Ryder slouched in a well-worn plush chair next to Lexi’s desk, while Lexi herself leaned forward from an uncomfortable molded plastic swivel chair, datapad on her lap. Ryder looked down, refusing to meet Lexi’s sympathetic gaze.

“Why don’t you tell me how you’ve been since our last visit?”

Ryder huffed, picking at a fraying bit of upholstery on the chair’s arm. Judging by the garish print of the fabric, it had to be the partner to Liam’s beloved wreck of a sofa. “Cora put you up to this, didn’t she. Maybe Vetra. Or was it Liam?”

“Your teammates care about you, yes, and naturally they are concerned about your wellbeing. But we’re not here to talk about them,” Lexi replied crisply.

“Well, I haven’t seen any more of Alec’s memories, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Lexi sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, and setting the datapad down on her desk with a clank. “Ryder, I’ve told you before that I’m here for more than just that. I’d like you to share any challenges you face out in the field. The Initiative might only care about what’s crucial to our survival as a society, hence the mandated conversations about your father’s—“

“Alec.”

“Alec’s memories. My apologies, Ryder. I, on the other hand, care about your personal mental and emotional health, and want to be sure that you are actively pursuing recovery.”

Ryder let out a long, frustrated groan. “Fine. You obviously already know what I’ve been up to this week, so let’s just have it out.”

“Where would you like to start?”

“Well, how about Tuesday. As you probably know, I got an exclusive front-row seat to Sloane Kelly’s assassination. Then I got blind drunk with Drack at Kralla’s Song, where we ended up knocking out an entire bar full of exiles by ourselves. And I’ve pretty much been bathing in cheap whiskey and shooting up kett camps since.”

“...that explains the sunglasses. Anything else you’d like to mention?”

“Nope, that about covers it, doc. Am I free to go?”

“You know that’s not how this works.”

“Worth a shot,” Ryder muttered.

“What is it specifically about Sloane Kelly’s death that bothers you so much? You’ve witnessed quite a lot of battlefield casualties since we arrived in Andromeda.”

Ryder stayed mute, her mouth set grimly.

“And objectively, she was a dangerous and unpredictable gang leader, who kept similarly dangerous company. A violent death at some point was highly probable, especially on Kadara.”

“Because it was my fault!” Ryder burst out. “I fucked up and let my guard down, and now she’s dead.”

“Were you the one who brought her to Draullir in the first place?” Lexi asked gently. “Did you pull the trigger?”

“No, but I might as well have. SAM pointed out the sniper to me, and I did jack shit. Just stood there like a deer in the headlights.”

“I’ve never understood that expression,” Lexi mused. “But that’s beside the point. It’s quite common to freeze in these situations and subsequently blame yourself. Nevertheless, as your doctor, I must say that it’s not healthy for you to take personal responsibility for every life in Andromeda, Ryder. Sloane made her choices, and you have as well. Many of your choices have undeniably advanced the safety of the entire Initiative. You need to be less hard on yourself.”

Ryder glared at her boots.

“Anything... else troubling you? Perhaps... something of a more personal nature?”

Ryder stared to the opposite corner of the med bay, willing her eyes to set a small fire, or cause any distraction capable of ending Lexi’s merciless interrogation. Maybe if she concentrated hard enough, she could tease out some latent biotic abilities.

“I hear you’ve been spending time with Peebee,” Lexi ventured.

Ryder’s cheeks burned. Did Lexi know about their zero-g escapades in the escape pod? Oh god, the whole crew probably knew. It wasn’t like they’d been particularly discreet, but the escape pod should have muffled most of the noise. Damn Kallo and his big mouth.

“I’m not making any assumptions, and I’m not judging you,” Lexi amended hastily. “I just know that, historically, you’ve used physical intimacy, as well as alcohol and aggression, as ways to distance yourself from emotional injury.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you want to tell me about your relationship with Reyes Vidal?”

Ryder shot out of her chair, nearly knocking it over in her furious haste to exit the room. “This conversation is over,” she spat.

“Ryder, wait.” Lexi moved to the door, blocking it, and continued in a steely tone. “You’re not ready to talk about what happened, and that’s fine. But we DO need to have a serious discussion about your coping mechanisms, and ensure that they will not negatively impact your work in the field.” 

The mark hit, and Ryder slumped back in her chair, defeated. “...I guess I haven’t been managing my depression well lately.”

Lexi nodded. “And what kinds of plans did we have in place to help you out?”

“SAM can tell you that I’ve been taking my meds regularly. And I HAVE been spending time with friends,” Ryder said mulishly.

Lexi laughed, not unkindly. “I suppose you have. You’re lucky to have friends like Peebee and Drack. However, I might suggest... varying your social engagements a little. Until you’re feeling less prone to self-sabotage.”

Ryder groaned, but acquiesced. “Just as long as I don’t have to deal with concerned stares and answer a million questions about how I’m doing.”

“I suppose that means Cora and Liam and Vetra are out for now?” Lexi chuckled.

At that, Ryder laughed out loud.

The doctor put up her hands, smiling. “Your words, not mine.”

“I suppose I could see what Jaal’s been up to,” Ryder mused. “He’s pretty fun to hang out with, as long as we’re not on Kadara.”

“Good,” Lexi nodded. “While we’re on the Nexus, you can take advantage of the training facilities to work off a little steam too. And I’d like you to send me daily logs until our next visit.” 

“Fine,” Ryder sighed. “Recovery is a bitch, huh, doc?”


End file.
